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(no subject)  
12:33am 07/12/2009
 
 
Here to remind you of the mess you left.
An update other than about Rascal... Though I suck at interviews only because I suck at talking to people and talking in general, I was accepted to the Massage School. Hurray for me.
I really like the director or founder or whatever main guy of the school. During the interview, he touched on some sore subjects with me and I had a tear come to my eye. He was rather encouraging about it, got me a tissue and told me I'd be accepted... though really I think it was already decided before hand. It was nice, though. The first thing he said when I stepped in the room and sat down was a comment on my two page letter and how well it was written. I'd like to take it as a truth and not be so cynical, but perhaps he was just breaking the ice? I know that not all people are great at writing...but aren't College and University students... I don't know how to end this sentence? I really shouldn't be so hard on myself. That was one of the things he emphasized. The sore subject.
Anyway, the... what I will call Headmaster is very nice, I've been accepted, I wish I could speak better....wish words would flow from my mouth as well as they do from my fingers, and now all I have to do is commit myself to the school. It's a hell of a lot of money... all the money to my name and more, so I'm rather more than intimidated, doubtful and hesitant, but come this time February I'll be in school with a big assed load of course work to study and do. Soon after that I'll probably be getting and giving massages daily.
It sounds like a lot of fun, despite the intensely hard work load, and I really do want to do it, but I'm...afraid? I have to learn to let go and...I don't know. Is it smart to let go of ten grand so easily? Is it possible? I have a little over a week to ponder and commit myself.
Hmmm...Rascal is coming. Stuck in a box in the city. Poor Boy. Wonder what the extra trip out here will cost me. If only I didn't suck at talking so much and didn't have an irrational fear of phones... Maybe he'll miraculously come tomorrow and I wont have to wait a week and keep wondering about him. I hope so. I miss him. I'm going to hug him and sleep cuddled up with him in my arms...if there weren't a possibility that he's break in the night and I'd have to send him right back.
One thing I've written about many times. I hate being a girl. I have no control over my emotions. Not right now, but earlier at least, I wanted to cry at the thought that Rascal was in the city and I couldn't bring myself to phone and have him freed. It's a friggin computer. Metal and plastic bits of mass. It's not going to feel anything or...why do I have to cry about it? I mean...he is a symbol of friendship for me, I guess. He's what I use to speak to anyone I call friend...which are few if any. ...But for the computer itself... I don't know. I hate being a girl. Not being able to control yourself sometimes... It's not really worrying...but it's annoying. It's...going through emotions/ emotional pain that I don't really want nor need to go through. I can't control it. I should be able to control myself. Shouldn't I? I had to let myself cry just to get the emotions away. It's stupid.
Yesterday I went to the city and spent my day at my sisters new house. It's bigger than my Ashburn house and absolutely filthy. I got up early and went in with my mom, and the three of us cleaned. My area was the livingroom. There were flyers scattered around a big box on the floor that had a small tv, a vcr and a whole bunch of vhs tapes in it. I put some gloves on, threw out the flyers and tested out the machines. They worked so I then took them to Value Village. VV wouldn't take the tv, which was odd, so after discussing this with one of the workers out in the parking lot a man a few cars over yells out "You giving away a tv? Can I have it? Pleeeease?" After a second of hesitation, not knowing if this was a good thing or not, I realized it didn't matter and would be easier on me, so I gave it to him. It's not every day you give a complete stranger a tv. Merry Christmas he said and off he merrily went. Kinda felt good after that. Giving is a good thing to do. Said he needed one for his basement, but I wouldn't be surprised if I found it in a pawn shop tomorrow. Either way, I don't care.
After that I went and bought some shower curtains from a dollar store, chuckling to myself stupidly that I had five showers needing curtains, and took them back to my sisters at my moms command. Ripping out the terribly ugly, smelly and dirty old curtains in both the livingroom and front bedroom, I put some shower curtains up for temporary curtainness. I then proceeded to clean the livingroom windows/sil, floors, and then I scrubbed most of the hallways walls. Whilst scrubbing those walls a man walked in the front door. I gave him a strange "who are you and what are you doing here" look and he apologetically explained he was an official house watcher type person and hadn't been told the house was now inhabited. He then left thinking I was afraid. Apparently my quizzical look meant fear to him. Please note, this house is not in the greatest of neighbourhoods.
My brother showed up, we showed him the house, and then we all went out for supper. Well...my brother didn't come. After dinner we came back here. Whee.
This morning I slept. Then I got up and waited around in anger for my dad to come home from church. I was supposed to go to Melyssa's baby shower at 1. I guess he didn't know...despite me discussing it briefly on friday. Apparently he can't read minds. I got mad anyway. I got to the shower half way through it, and it didn't matter much anyway, cause the people I wanted to see...were sort of...almost indifferent to my appearance anyway. So, once again, not greatly encouraged in the friends department. I wonder if I ever will be. That's what I'm hoping for this massage school, but then the U of M didn't help there either. In fact I lost friends back then. They weren't much of friends anyway...if that was grammatically correct at all. Sigh.
Am I moving ahead in life? I don't know. I hope so. I feel like I am. Two years and I could be on my way to owning a house. Maybe by then, if I can get ahead of myself, I'll have a fiancee, or at least a boyfriend I can think rather seriously of.
Ugh...classmates are going to be practicing on me... I have to lose weight. So much for last weeks dieting and "exercise". How I'm supposed to do this is beyond me. Trying again tomorrow.
Diets are dumb. I just wanted to become less sensitive to my ...insulin? Is that was it is? Something like that. Whatever responds to sugar and goes crazy. Then I'll do my best to reject all that other stuff my mom seems to enjoy buying and eating andjfshdbgfjshldjglsjkd and stick to the Canada food guide and...I'm rambling about this crap again. I'm not fat, I just want to be less...whatever.
Now, tomorrow....I don't have much to do. Eat meat and veggies, watch tv, read a book, paint?, make sure my fish aren't eating each other as they have been today. Poor Ignotus. Almost had him breedable. My crowntail male betta. Antioch broke into his side a couple times and gave him a good beating. Got a couple good rips himself...but Ignotus is a bit more tired and in pain looking. Cadmus was happily separated but not as warm. And now I'm rambling again.
I'm getting a bit tired. I'ma read and then off to bed.
mood: tiredtired
 
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(no subject)  
04:39pm 06/12/2009
 
 
Here to remind you of the mess you left.
It seems Rascal has been in Winnipeg for the past couple of days. I checked on the tracking dealie online and the estimated delivery date is Dec 11. If it's in Winnipeg... Who else are they going to find that needs delivering up here? Or is it a matter of driver, or time... It's kind of frustrating. I'd really like to have him back. I'm wondering if I can't just go pick him up myself. Hmmm. That requires a phone call.
mood: Sorry Rascal. Sorry wallet.
 
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(no subject)  
11:58pm 04/12/2009
 
 
Here to remind you of the mess you left.
The email I just sent to every member of my family. The only one of them who hasnt sent one is my dad. Normally I donCollapse )
mood: Kinda tired actually.
 
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(no subject)  
10:30pm 03/12/2009
 
 
Here to remind you of the mess you left.
The email I nearly sent to my mom. Good idea?Collapse )
 
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(no subject)  
09:53pm 03/12/2009
 
 
Here to remind you of the mess you left.
I'm so frustrated with life. It's the most retarded thing ever. I'm too sheltered and my brain is too small to be able to figure it out. Where the hell was I when everyone else was learning how it works? I'm too stupid to figure it out so I'm just going to sit here all alone and get fat and sulk cause tv is more important than actually helping me understand. I hate it here and I'm done with life. Might as well cancel that interview tomorrow.
mood: hormonal
 
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(no subject)  
02:34pm 03/12/2009
 
 
Here to remind you of the mess you left.
Rascal is coming home. <3
mood: happyhappy
 
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(no subject)  
07:01pm 02/12/2009
 
 
Here to remind you of the mess you left.
So, I'm a little ticked off. My negative side sees this day as being as much a failure as it was a success. We had to rush out of the tour near the end so we could get to my moms school to pick up her rental car and then she would go pick up her real car and I would go home so my dad could have the car at 6 for his bible study at whatever time. It's not 6:50 and I got home about ten minutes ago. Turns out my dad canceled anyway, so we both didn't get what we wanted. That's the fail. I did however get to take part in the more important part of the tour, and I quite enjoyed what I heard. I'm still intimidated by the cost of the school, the living question, and the difficulty level of the classes...but I'm quite tempted to go ahead should I be accepted into this school. Everyone looked friendly, and it looked like I might even be able to make friends there. There was even a dog running around inside.
So I feel a bit cheated, but it was a nice experience anyway, and I'm a bit excited. Intimidated, and excited.
I haven't eaten since 2:30, so...kind of tempted to wait for my mom to get home, which should be very soon, but I'm betting that she picked something up for herself in the city before she left... And if it was for all of us, it's probably not something that would be good for someone who's trying to lose weight, like me. I feel like a taco salad. Anyway, that is all for now. I'm home alone tomorrow and then there's Survivor at 7, and on Friday I go back to the College and have my interview, may I be accepted. I might be devastated and plummet if I'm not. Hey look! It's my mom!
mood: hungryhungry
 
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(no subject)  
01:59pm 02/12/2009
 
 
Here to remind you of the mess you left.
So I went to see the house last night. The girl living there who would be my roommate and land lord was quite nice, but the other tenant who was not there at the time had a or a couple cats. I'm sure I saw more than one, but the girl said "she has a cat.". I'm not sure whether or not I'm allergic to cats yet, and I don't want to find out when I'm stuck on a lease. The house, definitely the room I'd be in, was quite small, too. I think Osborne spoiled me. It was rather big. I so miss living there.
The girl goes to Springs church, which is a really big church in the city that I often find myself wanting to go to because I could probably easily find friends there. So... for the most part I'm saying no to the place...but there's a big tug in the heart to say yes. Happiness certainly does not come from being lonely. the only reason I'd say yes to the place, is to make friends with them and possibly find friends through them. The way I am, I feel I just can't do it without living with someone. I hate acquaintances. They're so mocking.
Anyway....so I guess the hunt continues. I'm having doubts about it anyway... how am I going to go to school and pay for a place to rent? It sounds impossible. But how do I go to school and live here? That also sounds impossible. Why is everything such a struggle when I know it doesn't have to be? Sigh.
I go in in about half an hour to go on a tour of the school. ...My mom wants to come. It's nice to feel independent. I'll never get anywhere in life.
I should eat before I go, cause I love looking like a fatty.
mood: disheartened, but ok.
 
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(no subject)  
03:39pm 01/12/2009
 
 
Here to remind you of the mess you left.
Now I am pissed. One of my STUPID bettas jumped out of the water, and into the baby enclosure, and has eaten all the babies. Seven baby guppies that were starting to get big enough to survive in the tank with them. ... I want to kill her. There's no way they could have escaped that box, so it's not possible they're hiding in the tank under some plants or rocks or something. GAAAHH!H!HIRGSWEJKGSDFKJJ:JKSGDK:JSGD She's staying in that box and I'm not feeding her for a week. A day for a guppy.
mood: disappointeddisappointed
 
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(no subject)  
01:47pm 01/12/2009
 
 
Here to remind you of the mess you left.
hgswerjhlksfdkljfsdakjlsdfhjkasfdhkgsfijok;gsgijgdrsjhJSDFLJKSGDLBJAFRTJLBNAFJLHASDFJLHNGSDJKHBSajbkdaSJLGG

i'VE MADE CONTACT WITH T...OOPS. Caps lock. I've made contact with the person whose house I could rent and if I can do it, she'd like to see me today. And I just got a call from MTCM and I'm to go for a tour of the building tomorrow afternoon and an interview Friday morning. LHSAFHASDFVGHAJFGBCJAzsfgujksdhsdjkgfvbhjkszsd/gHSJFLGVSDFghjvsdhfjvksdgvkhsdFGSDJLDShgsdjhsdjklsgdlfdhlDGhSDJKHLFSlkSDHFJvlsdfLHDfsdfkHLSDAhjskgdlF.

That is all.
mood: hornyhorny
 
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