An update other than about Rascal... Though I suck at interviews only because I suck at talking to people and talking in general, I was accepted to the Massage School. Hurray for me.
I really like the director or founder or whatever main guy of the school. During the interview, he touched on some sore subjects with me and I had a tear come to my eye. He was rather encouraging about it, got me a tissue and told me I'd be accepted... though really I think it was already decided before hand. It was nice, though. The first thing he said when I stepped in the room and sat down was a comment on my two page letter and how well it was written. I'd like to take it as a truth and not be so cynical, but perhaps he was just breaking the ice? I know that not all people are great at writing...but aren't College and University students... I don't know how to end this sentence? I really shouldn't be so hard on myself. That was one of the things he emphasized. The sore subject.
Anyway, the... what I will call Headmaster is very nice, I've been accepted, I wish I could speak better....wish words would flow from my mouth as well as they do from my fingers, and now all I have to do is commit myself to the school. It's a hell of a lot of money... all the money to my name and more, so I'm rather more than intimidated, doubtful and hesitant, but come this time February I'll be in school with a big assed load of course work to study and do. Soon after that I'll probably be getting and giving massages daily.
It sounds like a lot of fun, despite the intensely hard work load, and I really do want to do it, but I'm...afraid? I have to learn to let go and...I don't know. Is it smart to let go of ten grand so easily? Is it possible? I have a little over a week to ponder and commit myself.
Hmmm...Rascal is coming. Stuck in a box in the city. Poor Boy. Wonder what the extra trip out here will cost me. If only I didn't suck at talking so much and didn't have an irrational fear of phones... Maybe he'll miraculously come tomorrow and I wont have to wait a week and keep wondering about him. I hope so. I miss him. I'm going to hug him and sleep cuddled up with him in my arms...if there weren't a possibility that he's break in the night and I'd have to send him right back.
One thing I've written about many times. I hate being a girl. I have no control over my emotions. Not right now, but earlier at least, I wanted to cry at the thought that Rascal was in the city and I couldn't bring myself to phone and have him freed. It's a friggin computer. Metal and plastic bits of mass. It's not going to feel anything or...why do I have to cry about it? I mean...he is a symbol of friendship for me, I guess. He's what I use to speak to anyone I call friend...which are few if any. ...But for the computer itself... I don't know. I hate being a girl. Not being able to control yourself sometimes... It's not really worrying...but it's annoying. It's...going through emotions/ emotional pain that I don't really want nor need to go through. I can't control it. I should be able to control myself. Shouldn't I? I had to let myself cry just to get the emotions away. It's stupid.
Yesterday I went to the city and spent my day at my sisters new house. It's bigger than my Ashburn house and absolutely filthy. I got up early and went in with my mom, and the three of us cleaned. My area was the livingroom. There were flyers scattered around a big box on the floor that had a small tv, a vcr and a whole bunch of vhs tapes in it. I put some gloves on, threw out the flyers and tested out the machines. They worked so I then took them to Value Village. VV wouldn't take the tv, which was odd, so after discussing this with one of the workers out in the parking lot a man a few cars over yells out "You giving away a tv? Can I have it? Pleeeease?" After a second of hesitation, not knowing if this was a good thing or not, I realized it didn't matter and would be easier on me, so I gave it to him. It's not every day you give a complete stranger a tv. Merry Christmas he said and off he merrily went. Kinda felt good after that. Giving is a good thing to do. Said he needed one for his basement, but I wouldn't be surprised if I found it in a pawn shop tomorrow. Either way, I don't care.
After that I went and bought some shower curtains from a dollar store, chuckling to myself stupidly that I had five showers needing curtains, and took them back to my sisters at my moms command. Ripping out the terribly ugly, smelly and dirty old curtains in both the livingroom and front bedroom, I put some shower curtains up for temporary curtainness. I then proceeded to clean the livingroom windows/sil, floors, and then I scrubbed most of the hallways walls. Whilst scrubbing those walls a man walked in the front door. I gave him a strange "who are you and what are you doing here" look and he apologetically explained he was an official house watcher type person and hadn't been told the house was now inhabited. He then left thinking I was afraid. Apparently my quizzical look meant fear to him. Please note, this house is not in the greatest of neighbourhoods.
My brother showed up, we showed him the house, and then we all went out for supper. Well...my brother didn't come. After dinner we came back here. Whee.
This morning I slept. Then I got up and waited around in anger for my dad to come home from church. I was supposed to go to Melyssa's baby shower at 1. I guess he didn't know...despite me discussing it briefly on friday. Apparently he can't read minds. I got mad anyway. I got to the shower half way through it, and it didn't matter much anyway, cause the people I wanted to see...were sort of...almost indifferent to my appearance anyway. So, once again, not greatly encouraged in the friends department. I wonder if I ever will be. That's what I'm hoping for this massage school, but then the U of M didn't help there either. In fact I lost friends back then. They weren't much of friends anyway...if that was grammatically correct at all. Sigh.
Am I moving ahead in life? I don't know. I hope so. I feel like I am. Two years and I could be on my way to owning a house. Maybe by then, if I can get ahead of myself, I'll have a fiancee, or at least a boyfriend I can think rather seriously of.
Ugh...classmates are going to be practicing on me... I have to lose weight. So much for last weeks dieting and "exercise". How I'm supposed to do this is beyond me. Trying again tomorrow.
Diets are dumb. I just wanted to become less sensitive to my ...insulin? Is that was it is? Something like that. Whatever responds to sugar and goes crazy. Then I'll do my best to reject all that other stuff my mom seems to enjoy buying and eating andjfshdbgfjshldjglsjkd and stick to the Canada food guide and...I'm rambling about this crap again. I'm not fat, I just want to be less...whatever.
Now, tomorrow....I don't have much to do. Eat meat and veggies, watch tv, read a book, paint?, make sure my fish aren't eating each other as they have been today. Poor Ignotus. Almost had him breedable. My crowntail male betta. Antioch broke into his side a couple times and gave him a good beating. Got a couple good rips himself...but Ignotus is a bit more tired and in pain looking. Cadmus was happily separated but not as warm. And now I'm rambling again.
I'm getting a bit tired. I'ma read and then off to bed.